Giving Thanks

The holiday season is now upon us, and although I truly have a lot to be thankful for, I know that the next few weeks are going to be pretty emotional & exxhausting overall.

Yesterday evening, before our turkey dinner, I asked Avery if it was fun to have a cousin like Heidi to play with. Happy & energetic, and very much a toddler, dear Heidi was having a ball trying keeping up with Avery, and Avery was having a ball showing her all kinds of things bigger kids do (like drinking bathwater and picking their noses, just to name a few lovely habits Heidi embraced this weekend). But then, as usual, I was struck with Why doesn't she get to share these things with Jordan?! That's what younger sisters are for, right? Awhile later, I heard an uncomfortable mumble: "Such a shame." That comment really needled me. Jordan is not a shame, she's just Jordan, and we love her whether or not she can drink bathwater & pick her nose.

It's always such a mixed bag with our little Jordan -- one minute I'm depressed because of her severe developmental delays, the other minute I'm defending her because I really couldn't care less about those things. Yep, that old roller coaster of life.

But now I'm extra worried because the holiday season is here. Forget the stress of finding just the right gifts, getting the perfect holiday pictures, sending cards & writing letters, tree hunting & house decorating, bad weather & illnesses, travelling, & keeping a clean, well-stocked, welcoming house. Then forget the emotional bonanza of counting blessings, reflecting on the past, and planning for the future. It would be enough to just have 2 birthdays & an anniversary within 8 days to deal with. So, needless to say, our physical, mental, and emotional plates will be full.

On 22 December Avery will turn 3! Next thing we know we'll be sending her off to college. Where does the time go, and when did she turn into such a little "person" instead of my baby girl? Cliche, I know, but cliches exist for a reason, I suppose.

Then on 30 December, Devon & I will celebrate our 6th anniversary, and Jordan's 1st birthday. I'm sure we will greet this momentus day with even more contemplation than most anniversaries & birthdays. What a year it has been. There were many times over the past year that we didn't believe Jordan would make it to her first birthday, but now as the time draws near, we feel like she is settling into her course through life, and we are, too, to some degree. We know that except for colds and reactions to medicine, she is basically a healthy kid. At this point her heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, bladder, and other major organs are working fine. It is just her brain that isn't quite up to par. Of course she has not been diagnosed with anything yet, and this all may change over the coming years, but for now we know that, although developmentally delayed, she is pretty much a healthy kid. We also know that it's fairly likely that she will never be diagnosed with a specific disease or disorder, and we will never fully know the what "happened," or what condition her general health will be through time. But for now she is healthy, and for us, that's alot.

So, heading into this holiday of the season, I can definitely say I'm fully overwhelmed, and a little sad, scared, and unsettled by the randomness of our life, and of Jordan's upcoming second year. But at the same time I'm equally thankful for many more things (but couldn't they be more evenly spread throughout the year instead of packed into 6 weeks?).

I'm thankful for friends who lend their support, whether it's a visit, a shoulder to cry on, a homebaked meal, or a trip to the store, or park, or even a meal in public. I'm thankful for our families, who have and still do help us out on a daily, weekly, monthly, & yearly basis (you know who you are, and I honestly don't know where we'd be without you). I'm thankful for people in our lives who love us for who we are, on the good days and the bad days. I'm thankful for all of you that care enough to read this drivel everyday about the ups and downs of our family (it's certainly not like we are the only ones struggling through life). And truly, I am thankful for having 2 healthy girls, no matter what path life takes them on (although it would be nice if Avery stuck with this "I'm a doctor" thing she's into right now).

And I'm thankful, in a mom sort of way, that Jordan is one of the best snugglers around, and will be for along time (unlike Avery and every other developmentally "normal" kid). That's just an extra special bonus for a mom!