Still A Big Sister

It's been 2 years now since I started reading "I'm A Big Sister" books to Avery, trying to prepare her for the little baby that was on the way. She has an array of these books, from different people, and by different authors, but the message is all the same: It's really great to be the big sister since you can do all kinds of things the baby can't do (like get ice cream in the park). But each time I read one of those "I'm A Big Sister" books to Avery, I'd cry, and cry, and cry, until I just couldn't bear to touch them anymore. I didn't know why, and it didn't make sense. I just figured it was crazy pregnancy hormones, and expected it to pass.

Even before Jordan was born I had an idea that something wasn't right. At the time I chalked it up to a miserable pregnancy, and figured that once the pregnancy was over, things would be great. I just couldn't wait to get to the baby part! Of course, all indications for the first 8.5 months were that baby was just perfect -- the screening tests came back normal & the ultrasounds looked fine. But I noticed things while I was pregnant that seemed odd: hiccups all the time, strange movements, and in the end, polyhydramnios (ouch). But, since all indications were that the baby was okay, I just figured it was a crappy pregnancy & all would be fine when the little one finally arrived. It was inconceivable to think things would be any different than they had been with Avery, but boy were we wrong. And in hindsight all those strange pregnancy things all make sense; Jordan has an immature diaphragm (hiccups), arches and moves in abnormal ways (strange movements), and doesn't swallow for nutrition (hence the polyhydramnios).

Here it is 2 years later, and Avery picked one of her "I'm A Big Sister" books for a bedtime story tonight. We still read them off and on, and they still mostly apply. Except we've had to change the words through time. Of course the big sister is always named "Avery" and the little one "Jordan" -- but instead of eating from bottles, "baby" Jordan now eats from a tube, sleeps in a toddler bed with rails instead of a crib, and rides in a wheelchair instead of a stroller.

When Avery first grabbed it out of the stack of books I tried to trade her for another one, but she refused. I really didn't want to read it, but decided to just go with the flow, and change it up to make it work for our family. It did, and the story seemed perfectly normal to Avery. And even though I dedicated 2007 to be the year we "find our new normal" as a family, I wished as I read & improvised that story that it didn't seem so "normal" to me, too.